College Football Teams as Superheroes
While this seems like a no-brainer, what with the mascot being a Wolverine and all, I did not want to compare
Both Superman and Notre Dame enjoyed long periods as the most powerful forces in their respective worlds with relatively recent declines. When people think of superheroes, they think of Superman. When they think of College Football, they think Notre Dame. Superman was the defining Superhero for most of the 20th Century. Similarly, Notre Dame was a powerhouse for the same period. However, in the 1980s Superman was depowered in the Crisis just as Notre Dame has not won the National Title since 1988.
Metallo hates Superman. He considers Superman his arch enemy. Superman doesn’t give a fuck about Metallo, and would definitely not list him as an arch enemy. Still, occasionally Metallo manages to beat the hell out of Superman, even though it is usually not close. Remembering that Superman is Notre Dame, the preceding basically describes BC.
Like Superman, the Batman is one of the most famous and influential superheroes. Unlike Superman, who made his name through being more powerful than his enemies, The Batman is notorious for being a bigger bastard than his enemies. Like the Batman, Bear Bryant was a magnificent and terrifying bastard for his opponents. Once, when Batman was told he was a cheater, he replied “I call it winning.” If there is a more accurate description of
While the Authority may not be well known among the casual public, comic book fans have a huge love/hate relationship with the controversial superteam. Like
For Christ’s sake, the Kingpin looks exactly like Phillip Fulmer.
Jack Hawksmoor wears a suit, but will still punch a man in the brain for disagreeing with him.
Cyclops only has one way to attack someone, with his eye beams. It’s his only power, but damn is it powerful.
Iron Man is a mad genius who constantly tinkers with his ridiculous armor set to make it more powerful. Sometimes this tinkering backfires and Iron Man has trouble with his hardware in the middle of battle. Iron Man is most effective from range, and when enemies close in on him he has trouble. Iron Man is also a bit of a puss, and when someone hits him in the mouth he is much less effective. TCU closed in on Texas Tech and hit them in the mouth a little bit and it was over.
Elijah Snow is an old crotchety man who can slow down anyone he faces with his ice powers. Despite his age and demeanor, he’s smarter than he looks and has a knack for pulling victory from the jaws of defeat. It’s almost like they intentionally based the comic on Bobby Bowden. Okay, so maybe Bowden doesn't slow down oppossing teams with his ice powers, but with his nasty defense...or maybe it is ice powers, we may never know for sure.
Jakita Wagner is Elijah Snow’s daughter, and may never be able to step out of his shadow. She’s vibrant, deadly, fast and extremely capable, but no matter what she does she will forever be associated with her father.
Luke Cage may be a thug, but he can wreck some necks.
Jesse Custer has the power of God and is limited only by his psychotic sense of honor. LSU has all the god given talent in the world, but it’s limited by a basket case QB and some suspect play calling. Plus, Jesse grew up in
Solomon Grundy is a zombie. There’s nothing more to say.
The Incredible Hulk is an unstoppable force of nature that you do not want to get angry. He sometimes turns into a meek little man that gets pushed around for a little while, but eventually the Hulk bursts out and separates arms from shoulders. USC often puts forward meek-scientist type efforts for three quarters followed by a city destroying fourth quarter that puts opponents away.
Both Doctor Doom and VT get by on trickery and mad geniusing, but ultimately lose in the end.
The Sentry is an incredibly powerful superhero published by a major company, but no one has ever heard of him.
Both Namor and
Just like Georgia, John Constantine always wins ugly, but he almost always wins. In the long run, he can never stop his friends from dying and Georgia can never beat Florida. At the end of the day, no one hates John Constantine more than John Constantine. Every Georgia fan I know is secretly self loathing.
(disclosure: Hawksmoor is actually in the Authority, so I’m double dipping. I just liked both comparisons too much to change them)(update, fixed all the single spaces between sentences...no one told me blogspot hates transferring from Word)