LSU Award Show

Loudest Crowd Ever Award

The Swamp was crazy. I’ve been to many home games over the years, and this was the best I’ve ever seen it. At Gator Growl, Meyer read a quote from an LSU player claiming that the Swamp was not loud. Meyer used the quote as a challenge, and made it clear that our job as a crowd was to reclaim the swamp. Everyone in the student sectioned responded 100%. It was an intense afternoon. The cheerleaders attempted to lead organized cheers, but they failed. The crowd utilized the much more effective strategy of turning into a screaming, stamping, clapping madhouse. One non-stop syllable is much more effective than "go gators, clap clap clappity clap." It was a proud day to be a Gator fan.

The Robot-Gorilla Jumpshot award

Did you hear? Tebow’s first TD pass looked like a basketball shot. I’m surprised no news outlets are talking about it.

I was right in front of Tebow’s second TD pass. It was not pretty. Had LSU not been so completely focused on stopping the Robot-Gorilla from running them over Brock Samson style, it would have been an easy pick. None the less, LSU fell for the one man play action and my mancrush on Tebow is becoming dangerously close to being legitimately homoerotic.

Cartwheels and Pushups Award

Oh Tate Casey, what a ridiculous catch. For all the talk about Tebow’s jump pass, perhaps the best part of the play was Tate Casey on the receiving end. Coach Meyer said it best, “We’d rather our tight end not fumble around and fall down and do six pushups, do a cartwheel then get up and try to catch it.” When Tebow threw that ball, the entire student section seemed to scream “What the fuck!” which quickly gave away to silence. A second passed, Casey came up with it, and pandemonium ensued.

The "I earned my graduate degree in interceptions" Award

Ryan Smith, thank you for taking advantage of a dubious rule and coming to Florida. One of these days you won't drop an obvious pick-six and solidify yourself as the most badass grad student at UF (which is saying something, because I'm a grad student. Oh yeah).

The Phillip Fulmer is a Fat Bastard Award

Jim Gaffigan is the only ginger I will ever love (don’t let the bleach fool you). At Gator Growl he converted any joke that involved someone working a shitty job to a crack about FSU and said Fulmer is fat. Sure, he was pandering. He even admitted as much with his creepy internal monologue slash audience opinion voice. Hearing one of my favorite comics attack the most dangerous and hated fat man in my life was still fantastic. Fulmer scares me on and off the field. His teams are sledgehammer monstrosities that threaten my dreams and if I ever encounter him in real life I would fear his ever increasing mass reaching singularity. A Fulmer induced event horizon is not where I want to spend eternity.

Speaking of Tennessee, I am sex-with-supermodel happy that we already defeated them. If we can finish one game ahead of them, they will be our prime strength of schedule argument towards the end of the year. Throwing that many points against even an overrated Georgia is impressive. And let’s not forget, the other top-10 team they curbstomped has been impressive. If Cal keeps winning big, and Tennessee keeps winning big, Florida wins big by proxy. Hard to believe that a bunch of Nobel prize winners and two tooth scary rednecks both connect to us readily, College Fooball: bringing all Americans together.