UF-Auburn Preview

Another week, another tiger. Last week, I proved conclusively that an alligator can more than handle any tiger opposition. Then, a little less importantly, the football team backed up my statements and handled the LSU Tigers on the field. This week, the Gators face the Auburn Tigers. At first glance, this would appear an easy win for the Gators.

But not so fast! Auburn has two mascots. The tiger is backed up by the “War Eagle.” Can Albert handle both of them? Albert is tough, but can he beat a tiger while being the war eagle brings death from above? Reaching a conclusion on the game requires a more in depth look at the war eagle.

According to Wikipedia, “The Eagle can be armed with combinations of four different air-to-air weapons: AIM-7F/M Sparrow missiles or AIM-120 AMRAAM advanced medium range air-to-air missiles on its lower fuselage corners, AIM-9L/M Sidewinder or AIM-120 missiles on two pylons under the wings, and an internal 20 mm Gatling gun in the right wing root.” and has a maximum speed of “Mach 1.2, 900 mph at low altitude; Mach 2.5, 1,650 mph at high altitude (1,450 km/h / 2,655 km/h).”

Things are not looking so good for Albert. He’s a tough bastard, but he’s not designed for supersonic warfare. Fortunately, while not well known, the University of Florida has a starship, and Albert is the captain. I present to you, the Battlestar Gatoratica!

This faster than light, nuclear armed warship is thousands of years more advanced than a silly fighter jet. Like usual, Florida is a more advanced state than Alabama. Once again it appears that UF has the firepower edge over an opponent.

UF 21 Auburn 13 (fingers crossed)